CHASING SUNSETS
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MEETING ME by Kim Engstrom
ISSUE ONE
PRAISE FOR CHASING SUNSETS
This collection of poems is simply beautiful, inspiring, thought-provoking, heartfelt & a joy to read. Congrats on what has emerged as a result of having the courage to pursue your dream to pack up & travel the globe for a year. I found I could relate to each & every poem as it made me delve into my own lived experiences.Thank you, Kim for this wonderful collection of poetry! -Louise Pollard, Creator/Executive Producer Every Body Curious, Toronto, Canada Kim's poetry is so heartfelt and honest exposing her beautiful soul while exploring the intimate parts of life. Readers will draw on their own feelings and reflections as the poetry awakens in them awareness of their vulnerability, internal conflicts and insights. While some poems may be short they say a lot - they are good soul therapy. -Bonnie Sidaway, MSW Oakland, MD Chasing Sunsets, Meeting Me is the first edition of Kim’s first 6 months of travel. Exploring the world and meeting new people had her better learn who she is, who she is becoming and how she got there. -Jo Grossman , Philadelphia,PA Chasing Sunsets, is about change in your life. Not just about traveling, but about the travel journey itself, the writings make one realize that nothing lasts forever and that hopes and dreams are something to be lived now. Encouraging us to constantly think ahead of ourselves so that we don't get stuck. this is not an ordinary travel book, Chasing Sunsets is about overcoming fear, fulfilling on your dreams whatever they may be and having your heart be your guide. - Wilkister Ahinga, Director Star Initiative, Nairobi, Kenya
Dedicated to my daughters, Paige and Sydney, and those who contributed to my life and therefore this book.
Kim has been my friend for over 40 years & we've shared many of life's ups & downs - from high school crushes, marriage, raising children and wrangling careers - all whilst trying to fulfill lifelong aspirations. I'm honored to witness this incredible journey Kim is now on & to have had the opportunity to step into her current world and witness the pure joy she is creating for herself as every new sun rises & sets. Here's to inspiring every reader to be brave enough to begin their new journey chasing sunsets . One never knows where they may find themselves. LP Kim's poetry “Chasing Sunsets” touches on the shared human experience that will resonate with readers at every stage of life. Her poetry is both revealing and exploratory. As a global traveler, Kim’s poetic energies are drawn from the predictable rhythm of rising and setting of the sun. The latter in contrast to human experience being chaotic and painful yet exciting and beautiful. BS
INTRODUCTION
Little did I know in February 2022 that the gifting of a small cream pitcher, posted on Facebook, would lead to meeting a very interesting woman selling off all her belongings in order to free herself to embark on an open-ended solo visit to Central America. Despite experiencing isolation, loneliness, and some unease, she managed to work through it, mingling with locals and other travelers. What was supposed to be a two month stay in one country turned into a five month stay wandering through other parts of Central America as well! This was just the beginning for Kim’s exploration of the world. Five months of travel extended to 1 year and she seemed to have overcome the thoughts of isolation and found her happy place. Through this journey, she has been Chasing Sunsets, posting photos and writing poems as a reflection of the sights she has seen, the emotions they provoked and insight into her inner soul. JG
SEE ME SOLITUDE HEALING PARANOID SUNSETS INSPIRE THE SUN KNOWS MEETING ME BECOMING SIXTY ONE TO SIXTY ONE DISCOVERY I AM FREE
CONTENTS FREEDOM FEAR CHOICE LOSING SHINE REST NO GOING BACK WHAT IF SEARCHING UNCERTAINTY MY BODY SOUL SELFIE
1 Shine FREEDOM Without it Chained Trapped A victim without choice With it Overwhelmed by choice Breathless Paralyzed Fearful
FEAR Why am I afraid What am I afraid of If fear is only false evidence appearing real Then fear of rejection is only made up To protect me from the unknown Uncertainty Abandonment Hearing No Or not hearing at all Is simply a decline Or a not yet Not that I am a fool Not that I am ignorant Or that I am not enough
LOSING Fear of Loss Loss of money Loss of health Loss of children Loss of love Loss of life
CHOICE So many places to see How do I choose Where When Will I settle Do I long to put down roots Or is the traveler life Moving Changing Discovering Uncertainty What I crave How do I choose How will I know For now the world is calling me I am at its mercy I must go I get to go I get to live I get to choose Or is it chosen for me
REST Each day is a miracle As you are a miracle The wake up list had you on it today Sunset is your reward For allowing another day You did what you did Or didn't You made the difference you made Or didn't The sunset gives you permission to acknowledge the day And yourself As complete The sun takes its rest Now so must you
SHINE It has been evident for some time that my heart was aching Broken from past loves Longing to be where it could shine again Weary from clinging to a past of heartbreak Time became too precious to waste one more minute in sadness Regret Suffering alone Real or imagined I had to go where my heart could perhaps shine again To discover Through all the struggle All the pretending All the fear Only love is what remains Only love is where there is to ever be As this life unfolds and as this path I am on unwinds I return to my soul time after time As it is the one thing That cannot be compromised "Take my hand," my younger self said We're gonna go where we can shine once and for all
There is no rush When there is no place to be but in this moment
NO GOING BACK Don’t try to label me So shifted there is no going back All that I’ve ever been is everything I am There is no going back to the way it once was you know At least not consciously Once you open There is only further to see Becoming more of yourself Each day’s transformation You will never be the same You can never go back once you emerge
TIME Attachment to it Waste of it Not enough of it Too much Where does it go Sometimes wanting it to move quickly Please let this day be over Other times wishing it to last forever Then it will be gone The day The week The month The year Another passage of time A construct of time Where does time go Only to be measured By the rise and set of the sun
Am I destined to go it alone Or have you been there all along
WHAT IF What if I was meant to be alone That living this life without a partner Was how it was designed to be I adore being alone I revere being single I cherish that every choice I get to make is mine alone Yet I long for someone to share my heart with I pray for them to make themselves known I yearn for their closeness Their touch Their desire And yet deny myself the fulfillment of that yearning Shamed for my choices What if this is all there is I Am terrified to be alone Yet I fear belonging I am at unrest with myself Yet paralyzed from taking action What if this is all there is
I Am terrified to be alone Yet I fear belonging I am at unrest with myself Yet paralyzed from taking action What if this is all there is
SEARCHING What is It i am searching for Longing Desperately seeking All the time Never ending Never certain Wanting Desire Begging Please And yet You elude me As if I don’t matter Or exist Or have you been there all along
UNCERTAINTY When you doubt everything you are Every choice you’ve made That everything you’ve done up to this point was for nothing No meaning No purpose Appearing as real All the uncertainty about a past you cannot change Yet you alone chose Created by your design A past that is undeniably in the past There is no safety net There is no certainty Ever
MY BODY I’ve spent my whole life criticizing it Shaming it Observing it’s every move and curve and dimple I have not loved my body for the container that houses my soul For providing with me movement and enjoyment For getting me to all the wondrous places of a lifetime For holding me For being solid when I am not For knowing what to do when I don’t care for it For being desired Caressed Embraced And despite my hatred Loving me more than I love myself at times Knowing how to survive A will of it's own despite it all Begging me to thrive
SOUL SELFIE How can one feel so beautiful Then see herself in the lens of the selfie camera or the zoom screen as an entirely different creature altogether What has social media culture done with our souls Who are we becoming Critical Self loathing Judgmental Blaming others for our insecurities Blaming ourselves for not getting it right this time See yourself through your soul Who do you see then
SOLITUDE How lovely it is To wake and live as if There is no time Only the rise and set of the sun Longing for each day to pass quickly Yet present to how swiftly life moves on Alone with my own thoughts At peace with the bustle Nowhere to be Nowhere to be .
SEE ME No one is looking at me Can you see me I scream As if unnoticeable Not visible Dismissed Ignored Forgotten Do you see me I'm right here and you walk straight through me You never even looked up Or back I’m here Right here Please see me But don’t judge me My humanness For I am you And you are me
SECRETS I long to know your secrets The ones you perhaps no longer remember for fear if you utter them the pain and memory will be too much to bear The terror no longer necessary to reveal What does it matter now Who will care I will I will have insight into why you are you And no longer make myself wrong For not being enough for you to love me The way I longed to be loved I long to know your secrets How do I ask Before it’s too late And your secrets will be buried with you No longer able to speak Buried alive as well Not able to speak
HEALING Peeling away the layers of protection So much pain to get free Peace is the reward available from awareness Compartmentalize the items you don’t wish to look at Buried so deep you don’t even remember you hid them
SUNSETS INSPIRE Presence Daughters Completion Authenticity Miracles Every single day
PARANOID No one is looking Or are they No one is watching Or are they Although my mind thinks All eyes have centered on me They never are
THE SUN KNOWS Watching the sun set I'm present to how it does not question when the day is complete It knows there will be tomorrow It knows to rest It knows to shine It knows to warm It knows to light Trust in the sun Honor its knowing And the intention is has is for you Allow it to be your guide Be your assurance It will never not rise
MEETING ME Isn’t she lovely Funny Kind Imperfectly perfect All the bits and pieces So many left better in knowing her Allowing her to be a contribution to their journey Their soul Could there be no greater gift Than to love oneself So that others get that they are loved too
BECOMING I am becoming Me I am allowing Me I am accepting Me I am Loving Me I am giving Me I am choosing Me
SIXTY ONE TO SIXTY ONE With no one to think about but herself Nowhere to be There was time to stop Look And remember a life well lived Visions widened as they do from Climbing higher and further up the Mountain to catch the view Chase the Sunset Each step climbed All of them to get there And having come this far now It seemed ridiculous not to pause And enjoy it
DISCOVERY What is it I’m chasing What is I seek What does the sun want me to know Each day To discover myself as I am Myself newly Myself whole Myself brave Myself messy Myself complete My self love
I AM FREE There is an indescribable beauty that comes with loving oneself So utterly and completely A vow to never let her be taken again By anyone That who I am and who I’ve become Is in itself The greatest gift of all No holds barred No stopping now
In 2020 after completing a two year self development course during CoVid 19 I had a very powerful breakthrough. I had spent perhaps my whole life on a quest to achieve perfection. When I reached it I thought, then I would be okay. If I loved everyone else first, then perhaps they would return the favor. Turns out, I can only love inside of my own listening of myself. It was actually in getting that perfection - as only created by me - was not the place to get to. Instead it was to accept my imperfection first and therefore yours. The action of love is accepting yourself and others for who they are and who they are not. In that revelation, love is then pure . No judgment, no fixing, no blaming. Only deep surrender to what's so - humanity . That was the turning moment when I knew nothing else mattered except to start loving myself before I could fully love others the way I so desired. It's a daily, moment to moment practice to give up my meaning making and assessments that only create barriers to giving and receiving love . Now a believer in the divine order, I can actually feel my own love and of others. I'm learning to trust that something perfect is always around the corner when I give up control, certainty and fear. The universe does have my back and all I need to "do" is allow it to perform it's magic and sit back and enjoy the ride.
ABOUT THE CREATOR In February of 2021 I left my family, home and possessions to travel for one year. I had no set plan only to allow it to unfold as the universe wanted it to for me. Letting the universe be in charge was a concept I had heard of but was a skeptic . Now one year later with the release of Chasing Sunsets,Meeting Me I'm transformed. looking back I see I am still the same human in many ways - I love love . I seek joy. I live life with a sense of curiosity and wonderment. These things have not changed and living a travel lifestyle turns out to suit me in a way I never imagined. What has changed is the relationship I have to myself . I actually had no idea until setting out on this journey how afraid I was to live my life. I felt trapped, anxious and angry. Was this all there is? Years of professing, teaching and sharing the benefits of self love I really had no idea of what self love was even remotely all about.
Chasing Sunsets Meeting Me Good Soul Therapy...BS, Maryland Beautiful, inspiring, thought-provoking, heartfelt...L.P, Toronto Just the beginning...JG, Philadelphia Not an ordinary travel guide...WA, Nairobi